Dear Mary-anne: My husband is struggling to accept my daughter's Indian boyfriend

QUESTION: 

My daughter is dating an Indian boy. Her Dad is struggling to accept this. How do we deal with it?

ANSWER: 

You have sent such a short letter but that's OK because there's really only one reply and that's with a question of my own. How does this boy treat your daughter?

That he's Indian should be irrelevant and if your daughter's father is struggling to accept this boy because of his ethnicity then he's out-dated and misguided.

There is a wonderful Bahai sentiment that says: All prejudices, whether of religion, race, politics or nation, must be renounced, for these prejudices have caused the world's sickness. It is a grave malady which, unless arrested, is capable of causing the destruction of the whole human race. (Abdu'l-Baha).

I think cultural differences in a relationship are detrimental only when they include attitudes and opinions that put down another race, gender or religion.

The fact that this boy is Indian shouldn't be a problem if he's been brought up to respect women and treat them as complete equals. You will only know what he really thinks and how he acts by spending time with him.

If you welcome him into your home, let him do ordinary stuff with you as a family and let him be relaxed enough to let his guard down then you'll get the measure of this young man. Let your daughter see her boyfriend interact with you as a family and she'll soon make up her own mind about his suitability.

If her father makes race difference an issue, then his negativity may make this boy more attractive. That means the real issue, of how this boy is as a person, could be overshadowed by the power-play between your daughter and her father.

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