Dear Mary-anne: My son was traumatised after watching me choke on food

QUESTION: 

I was at a barbecue a few weeks ago and I think I laughed and breathed at the same time and a piece of meat jammed my airway.

One minute I was fine and the next I was in big trouble. People didn't realise for what seemed ages and stupidly I kept looking for a place to put my plate down. When I was finally noticed, my friend's husband banged me on the back and I was (eventually) ok. I ended up on the ground, crying and coughing.

All this was bad enough, but my seven-year-old son saw it all and he's been upset, having nightmares and is acting up at dinner times. He keeps thinking it's going to happen again.

ANSWER: 

It must have been terrifying for you and I imagine you're having trouble processing what happened. It's no surprise then that your son is having nightmares and is upset too. He would have felt completely helpless, frightened and confused. But it's happened and he's seen it and you're ok. Perhaps you could decide if he needs to talk this out with someone more thoroughly than just discussing it with you.

Some children are remarkably resilient and your son may be able to process this and move on, but if he continues with nightmares and acting up at mealtimes then get some professional help for him. You could also talk about the importance of one day learning basic first-aid so that he will be able to help someone in trouble if the need arises. Perhaps you could lead by example and do a first-aid course yourself.

Choking on food is far too common, it's the fourth-most common reason for unintentional death. Thank goodness someone at the barbecue knew what to do and it's a timely reminder that we all need to learn how to save lives. I read that the irrational fear of causing a scene or public spectacle may cause people in this situation to leave the very place that could help them most – a crowded room. So, looking for somewhere to carefully put your plate instead of letting it clatter to the ground is exactly the sort of thing that can delay your rescue and ultimately kill you.

I looked up some websites that offer first-aid courses, including those run by St John and the Red Cross, there will be plenty more. They also cover how to save yourself if you're alone. Chilling stuff, but as you'll know, there's no time to read about it when it happens.