Dear Mary-anne: I'm worried about my neighbour's baby - it cries all the time

QUESTION: 

I don't think my neighbour is coping, or looking after her baby properly.

This kid is never dressed right for the weather, it cries all the time and is sometimes left crying in its car seat for ages – like an hour or more, while the mother is inside.

It's just the mother and the baby. I don't know who to speak to and I'm nervous to go to someone, 'cause she'll know it was me who told.

ANSWER: 

Whenever a baby is abused or neglected, there's usually someone who could've helped, but didn't want to interfere.

We all hesitate to get involved in other people's private lives, not because we don't want to help them, but because we feel unsure of our facts, or hesitant to be labelled nosy. But babies and young children are completely dependent on adults for their survival and they must be our first priority.

Why don't you start by reaching out to the mother? I hate to imagine how she's struggling and, of course, the more the baby cries, the more she will struggle. It might be that it's not what you think and you just happen to be hearing the miserable bits of their shared life. Can you initiate a chat where you say you understand how difficult it must be having a little one on your own and perhaps she'll open up enough that you can get a glimpse into her state of mind?

The harsh truth though, is that leaving a baby alone in the car is illegal. If that is happening, then you do need to get involved. I went to the Oranga Tamariki website (which kept sending me in circles) and saw the most important information, which was at the bottom of the page. If you suspect a child is in danger, call 111. If you are worried about a child's welfare, then freephone: 0508 326 459. 

I'd prefer to go into the police station and have a chat to someone there. It's down on record and they'll follow up for sure. Someone will check that the mother and baby are alright. The police know how to get the right services directed to this young mother and it may turn out that all she needs is some timely interference and support.