Dear Mary-anne: The police brought my daughter home.
QUESTION:
We live rural just out of town and two local cops brought my 17-year-old daughter home in their police car on a Saturday night. They said she was arguing, disorderly and drunk and a risk to herself. My daughter says the police picked on her, ruined her night and embarrassed her in front of her friends. She said she was NOT drunk and I didn't think she was either. She's missing her best jacket and said they made her leave before she could find it and her legs are sore where they shut the door on her knee. She wants to complain and I think she should because I've brought her up to speak her mind.
ANSWER:
Just say, for one moment, that your daughter was drunk, disorderly and a risk to herself. What if the police saw this and ignored her? Take the scenario one step further and imagine that she decided to go home with a stranger, drove herself while drunk – or let someone else drive, who was over the limit. What if something terrible had happened to her and you found out later that the police had seen her in that state and hadn't intervened?
Being singled out and driven home can be alarming and it may have had a sobering effect on your daughter. The state you saw your daughter in, in your kitchen may not have been the way she behaved in town.
Many police officers out patrolling the bars and streets have teenagers of their own and they often have parenting hats on as well as policing hats. They see this stuff every weekend; they could have been removing her from a situation that had potential for trouble.
I applaud your efforts to encourage your daughter to speak her mind but she needs to be sure of what she wants to say. Don't encourage her to be anti-authoritarian just for the sake of it. Was she drinking, even if in your opinion she wasn't drunk? Remember that if she's 17 then she's not allowed into licensed premises without you. You could discuss with her the danger she puts herself into when she disregards the law.
We want to aim for a society where we're all accountable in our jobs. However, the very nature of policing requires some quick decisions that people can easily criticise when the heat of the moment has passed. The police aren't there to spoil your daughter's fun and nor are they there as taxi drivers. Perhaps encourage your daughter to forget the complaining idea and focus on her own actions/consequences.