Dear Mary-anne: Everyone likes my twin better than me.

QUESTION:

I'm sixteen and have a twin brother. He's more popular, better at sport and more outgoing than me and everyone likes him the most, even Mum and Dad. I don't mind that he's better at all that stuff but I wish people would like me too. How can I change?

ANSWER:

You don't have to change. This must feel heartbreaking for you at the moment but it's a long game this business of life.

Being a twin can be both a joy and a curse. Your situation wouldn't be so obvious if you were being compared to an older or younger sibling but comparisons are more immediate with twins.

In this country, we award our sportier people with accolades and popularity. Success breeds success and so your brother will become more outgoing and confident as a consequence of his popularity. It's unlikely his situation will change so you have to work with it.

It may seem that your parents like your brother more; they'll be proud of his achievements and probably more involved with his many activities. But, as a parent, I can't believe they love you any less. (Just saying).

So, what can you do? If you feel really low about this then I recommend you talk to someone. Start with your school counsellor, your GP or your parents. Your parents are probably the best place to start as they may have no idea how you're feeling.

Otherwise, if it's just a case of wishing you'd been dealt different cards, you should be patient. People shine and develop at different times. Don't see yourself as a shadow of your twin, but as a developing person in your own right. It may help if you find interests that are not in competition with him.

It may be hard to believe now but in ten years' time your schooldays will be irrelevant. So, find your passion and work with it. Trust yourself that you are interesting and likeable and be proud of who you are.