Dear Mary-anne: Should I encourage my son's big dreams?

QUESTION:

My 15-year-old boy is very passionate about creating his own music, and is striving to make it big as a pop/R&B star to the point of sacrificing all his time and effort to his art.

For a mother to hear that I feel two things. One, overjoyed that he is aiming for something, that something being a future career as well. And two, worried that if he devotes everything to make it in the music business and not have a "plan B", he might not have a supporting job to fall onto if his music doesn't work out, like so many other artists who just didn't make it.

I have a great relationship with my son however, and with him being an open book, he started the discussion of other career options for him if he doesn't make it.

We came to a conclusion that there are plenty of careers besides a pop star that he could take, for example, music teacher, producer for other artists or selling instruments.

He told me though that he would rather work in the army or fire protection force instead of "a fake music job". My question is, should I encourage him to try juggle music with one other potential career, or just his music creations?

ANSWER:

A 15-year-old with a passion for something; a direction for his future — but also an open mind regarding the realities of that future, is about all you could ask for from a boy of this age. 

It’s a natural reaction when you see someone so determined to achieve and clearly striving for his craft, to anticipate disappointment and try to pave the way. But life will deliver its own knocks and disappointments so your unwavering stance should be encouragement, belief and acceptance. Add to that an attitude that it’s always ok to change direction. 

I don’t think your son needs a plan B. Let him have his youth and his dreams. His education, as dictated by school policy should ensure his choices are broad enough, that he doesn’t narrow his options into a music-only world too soon. You say he’s sacrificing all his time and effort to his art. Perhaps you could encourage him to keep up other interests ie, debating, sport, part time job, etc. 

The discussion you had with your son regarding other career options was fairly typical of a 15-year old’s single-minded approach. Believing you can be or do anything is a gift of youth. It may be as time goes on, and he does more solo performing, he finds he’s not suited to this career. Perhaps the politics, the loneliness, the pressure, the nerves, the expectations, even a lack of the right talent at the right time, may influence his decisions and he might then change direction. As long as he knows changing direction isn’t a failure then he should be fine. Many artists who ‘didn’t make it’ actually find their dream jobs in other areas of the music world but they couldn’t imagine this at 15. They had to go through an apprenticeship to discover what it is they really wanted.