Dear Mary-anne. My son-in-law drank all our booze.

QUESTION:

My daughter and her husband of seven years came to stay for Christmas and New Year with their three-year-old.

My husband told our son-in-law to help himself to a beer. The trouble is, he didn't stop helping himself for 10 days.

He drank every day; he wasn't drunk, but always topped up and he had most of our beer and wine, even drank my special bubbly that was part of a gift from work.

They both arrived empty-handed except for some plums off their tree that I asked them to bring. Are they too old to learn a lesson at aged 34 and 35? I don't want to argue and drive them out of our lives.

ANSWER:

This question reminds me of my own self at a similar age.

I arrived with my family of four to stay for a two-week beach holiday with my parents and I was affronted and embarrassed when my empty-hands were called out.

I remember my father (somewhat grumpily) asking about my lack of contribution and he specifically mentioned Weetbix, toilet paper, booze. It simply hadn't occurred to me that I should be contributing but I never made that mistake again.

People aren't born knowing everything. I think you could easily have a word to your daughter and her husband about their lack of supplies and suggest next time they pull their weight.

It's not uncommon for some adult children to go on holiday with their parents and resort to childlike behaviour. Someone who is an extremely adequate cook suddenly forgets how to turn an oven on.

That same grown-up child who can clean a bathroom perfectly well at his/her own house, goes back to waiting for their parents to do the housework. A bit of pre-organising or an upfront chat about expectations can iron out these problems.

There's another issue that you mentioned though which is separate to all this. It seems that you might think your son-in-law has a drinking problem.

It's hard to know if he was in holiday mode and felt justified in keeping himself "topped up" or if there's actually something wrong.

But, unlike the supplies issue, this isn't your problem, it's your daughter's problem. If she wants to discuss her partner's drinking then she'll bring it up.

I think until she says anything, you'd be best to leave this subject alone. There's nothing like a family holiday to bring out the good and the bad in people.

The thirty-year-olds may have irritated you, but perhaps you irritated them! Your son-in-law may have been drinking to survive the festive season with his in-laws!