Dear Mary-anne. Why all the fuss about bullying?

Question:

 I was a skinny little rat that got bullied at school.

My parents taught me to ignore, push back, run or fight depending on the situation, just as they were taught by their parents. I tried to fight, but mostly I depended on my older brother to bale me out.

I understood it was a rite of passage and eventually many of the bully-boys became close friends. What's all this fuss about bullying? A pink shirt day? Kids will be kids. Is every child that's ever been called loser or four-eyes, bullied?

Answer:

 Let's start by looking at the definition of bullying: to seek to harm, intimidate or coerce someone perceived as vulnerable. It's the word vulnerable that is pivotal to this discussion.  It's all very well for people of past generations, such as yourself, to say "we toughed it out, it didn't harm us", but in actual fact it did harm some of your generation – many of your generation.

I hear what you're trying to say in your letter and I understand where you're coming from but the change is here and it's real. Situations that were once tolerated and endured will not be tolerated anymore. The shift of power must go to the bullied, the vulnerable.

The pink shirt day you mention is the outward sign that respect is expected. This small wave of change will join the tsunami of change that is touching every aspect of our lives; gender, race, religion, etc.

You are right that kids will be kids. There is no doubt that despite these good intentions, the rules and justice system of the playground will still prevail in many instances. It's also true that children learn resilience and social interactions when they're at school. But the pink shirt day will allow an adjustment to the children's thinking. Bullying will become another area of their lives that they can take control over. They'll learn they don't have to tolerate intimidation or coercion.

Sometimes when we're in the process of change, it can seem as if the world is askew. The pendulum swings violently for a while catching everything in its field. It eventually evens out, but change has occurred.  

Think of the times you were grateful to your big brother for baling you out and think of all the children who don't have a big brother, or the ability to come through abuse, be it physical, mental or verbal, unscathed. I'm sure you don't really wish that cycle to continue.