Dear Mary-anne. My children are too frightened to sleep after our neighbours got burgled.

Question:

Our neighbours got burgled about two months ago and the old lady who lives next door came over quite a bit afterwards and talked all about it.

She went into heaps of detail about each room the burglars entered and how the burglar came up our drive and over her fence. I didn’t think about it much at the time, but my kids, 6, 9 and 10 years old, have got themselves so frightened they can’t be alone.

They scream if someone knocks on the door after dark and night times generally have gone to hell. They won’t go to sleep without one of us lying in their room to reassure them. We are getting completely over this behaviour.

My mother thinks I should be tougher on them, but I think that will only make it worse.

Answer:

 I agree that being tough won’t sort this problem. Children have vivid imaginations at the best of times, and your discussions with the neighbour has given their worst case scenarios something tangible to hang onto. There are quite a few things you can do to help them, but nothing is a quick fix. Think of this as an injury (an injury to their minds) and no matter how much cream you put on the wound, the healing process still takes time.

Start by rewarding positive behaviour. If they don’t scream when someone comes to the door, acknowledge their good sense and control.

Night times are more problematic. I’ve listed a few ideas you could try, but ultimately, reassurance, love and patience will be your best tools.

Keep the bedtime routines calm and happy. Read to each child, keep their doors open, get nightlights for their rooms and in the hallway. You might consider putting on gentle audio-books to soothe them, or play classical music. Have something special for breakfast if they manage to go to sleep without someone lying there. I’ve heard people swear by magnesium in a cream, that can be rubbed on tummies or feet. I’ve also read a lot about weighted blankets lately, so check them out, perhaps.

The police have soft toy bears and police dogs which can be used to guard the doors or windows – sounds crazy, but because it was a burglary that frightened them, a police dog might be just the thing they need.

Perhaps you could enlist the neighbour’s help to show she’s fine and moving on (if she is).

If you are months down the track and there’s no improvement, or they’re not responding to your methods, then I suggest you get some outside help.

And, I guess it goes without saying that when you’re having adult conversations, it’s best to check that the children are not within earshot. Beware: children are nosy, intuitive little creatures, who can feign disinterest, while they listen avidly to things they shouldn’t hear.