Dear Mary-anne: My son is cruel to animals

QUESTION:

My 13-year-old son is mean to animals. He pulls the wings off moths and flies. The teacher said he squeezed the class rabbit to death and she suggested it was a case of 'too much love.' But I'm not sure. I found him in his room the other day with the neighbour's cat in a taped-up shoe box. He was watching the box. Do you think this is just a stage?

ANSWER:

I feel nervous for you when I read this letter. By asking if I think 'this is just a stage', you're hoping to hear this behaviour is normal but I don't think this is typical stage development, I'm sorry. You haven't said how long it's been going on, but I get the feeling it might be a while. And It seems from the few details you've given that it's possibly escalating.

I would make an appointment to have a chat with his teacher and find out if he seems happy. Perhaps he's being bullied, because something must be triggering this behaviour. Perhaps too, he's trying to please someone else, or keep up with someone's demands.

Think about your home situation and make sure that nothing is going on that you should be concerned about. Neighbours? What after-school activities does he have?

Whether or not your son's teacher is able to shed any light, I wouldn't leave it there. I suggest asking the teacher, your GP or someone else you trust to recommend a counsellor or child psychologist. You and your son need a non-judgemental place to do some talking and receive  sound advice.

As a parent, you're training and encouraging your child to be the best adult he or she can be. Most of us have witnessed some degree of roughness with animals and the whole pulling wings off moths, whilst it's disgusting, is seen by some as a rite of passage. But this behaviour should be discouraged and children need to learn that kindness to all creatures is essential.

We're a nation of hunters and gatherers but the very best hunters and fishermen have codes of decency that involve killing their catch in a humane, civilised way.

Your situation will probably ignite a frenzy of anti-hunters having their say, but this is not the same. Even young children, who are involved in these sports can learn very early how to be humane.

My instincts tell me you need to get some professional help on this one.