Dear Mary-anne. My teenage son won’t take his meds.

QUESTION:

Our boy is 15 years old and he's got a series of health issues that require daily medications. I've tried everything to get him to take his meds daily but he only seems to manage one consistent week before his routine is derailed. Then he gives up.

Our parenting is reduced to nagging, begging, cajoling and coming up with schemes to make the meds easy to manage. If he stays over at mates or sleeps in, or we're not home to remind him the routine falls over and his health suffers and we all suffer.

It's not that hard to get into a habit but he doesn't seem to have the maturity to do it.

ANSWER:

It's tough enough dealing with teenage angst and rebellion without adding health issues and medications into the mix. This, though, is the reality for many, many parents.

Parenting teenagers is the supposed end stage of growing your child. You are preparing them to live alone and separately and that often means letting them suffer the consequences of their actions. However, this can directly fly in the face of your instincts to keep your teenager safe and well, when you know his health is dependent on regular medications.

It sounds to me as if you need a plan, as you don't want to be nagging and cajoling your son into his twenties. Set up an appointment with his GP where the three of you have a frank discussion. Without getting upset or blaming, you should explain that you don't want to continue babying your son to take responsibility for his health. That you intend stepping back in the interests of him becoming a self-reliant adult.

Ask the doctor to clearly outline the consequences of your son's refusal to take his meds and then reiterate that you have to step away. You could leave them to chat alone then because part of learning to behave in a mature way is being able to have a private conversation with your GP. Your GP will recognise that your son will need monitoring to make sure he stays well and to watch for possible depression.

It's tough for you all. Your son is probably deeply annoyed that he has to be different and has to take meds to stay alive or keep well. And you, as his parents, can't help but anguish from an adult point of view about his health. But there's no softening this situation so you may as well get on with helping him become responsible for his health. Once he leaves home the whole scenario will be even tougher if you haven't sorted this out.