Dear Mary-anne: How do we get our daughter to stop smoking?

Question:

My wife and I never smoked cigarettes. Our daughter Ellen started at age 13. We did not like that at all but instead of getting into raging arguments we gave her permission.

Within a year Ellen had become a pack-a-day smoker. Ellen smoked in our car when my wife took her to school and she smoked when my wife picked her up from school. As soon as Ellen got home from school she went upstairs to her room and smoked and smoked. In an attempt to get Ellen to quit, my wife bought vaping supplies and helped Ellen learn how to use e-cigarettes. We thought that this was the perfect answer.

Things were going along OK and then about a month into vaping, Ellen came to us one night with tears in her eyes. She said she really, really missed her cigarettes. She said she didn't get anything at all out of vaping and had wanted badly to go back to her beloved Newport cigarettes. They are a part of me, she said.

We were heartbroken. Should we have been tougher with Ellen? I cannot see an easy answer here. Any advice you might have at this point would be greatly appreciated.

Answer:

Many readers are going to be quite surprised by your letter; I certainly was. None of us enjoy arguing with teenagers but it's often a necessity of life.

I found the two pieces of official information that I've added in this answer, on the internet, in a couple of minutes searching. I don't understand why you didn't hunt out something like this yourselves when you first gave Ellen permission to start smoking at aged 13.

Raging arguments would've been small change back then compared to the big dollars, literally and figuratively that you have to deal with now.

1) We have a Care of Children Act, 2004, that states: The welfare and best interests of a child in his or her particular circumstances must be the first and paramount consideration.—

2) The Ministry of Health website: There are over 4000 identified chemicals in cigarette smoke. Three of these chemicals are hexamine, acetone and arsenic – hexamine is used in paint and lacquers, arsenic is used for rat poison, and acetone is used in nail polish remover.

It's against the law to supply a minor with cigarettes – dairies and supermarkets are strictly monitored to make sure they adhere to the law.

The information about the dangers of smoking is everywhere; children learn this at school, signs, articles, the packaging on the cigarettes themselves…. The message is blunt: smoking kills.

If Ellen was tough to negotiate with back at aged 13, then she's going to be a whole lot tougher now.

You're going to need some real help to wean her off this addiction. I rang Quitline and found the lady at the call centre to be non-judgmental, practical and helpful.

She believed they could help Ellen, but Ellen would have to want to quit.

This is the crux of having a successful result and at the moment, Ellen wants to resume smoking. I suggest you get as much help as you can; Quitline, your GP, maybe some counselling, to change Ellen's mind and help her kick this habit.

Quitline: 0800 778778